March 12th, 2012


Week 17: Nobody lives long enough to be anything but an Amateur.

Dear friend of mine was running down some of my weirdness and almost guilt about feelin' like a tourist with all this Trans nonsense. Her take on it was that EVERY novel experience has that disorienting newness to it. It's reassuring to think of stuff in that context.

I know thet at THIS point, I'm kinda bein' THAT GUY(slashgirl). Y'know, the friend who JUST got into Jai-Alai so EVERYTHING's about Jai-Alai. Watchin' matches, hangin' out on forums... Every conversation leads back to Jai-Alai. 'Cept it's Tranny shit. And I know my friends and associates care for me deeply, and everyone recognizes it's big shit I'm goin' through, but you jus' CAN'T force someone to give a shit about Jai-Alai. <=) When something's this big and scary, it's hard to not let it be all up in your business... As pleased as I am and as fascinated as I am with this new subculture to which I suddenly feel I actually belong, I need to be mindful about whether not not the minutiæ of my transition actually contains anecdotes that my friends (and beloved patient wife) could possibly give a shit about. <=) And if not, THAT'S WHY I HAVE THIS JOURNAL. And, y'know, Reddit. O reddit. Such a fantastic heap of online communities.

Co-worker of mine told me about a brother-in-law of his who was born a lady... 'parently, dude doesn't have a big social sphere about which he can discuss Trans stuff, so co-worker suggested he'll introduce us when next dude visits. It's sweet of my co-worker, and I appreciate his support and encouragement (He occasionally calls me ma'am!), but it's a bit awkward. I hope dude's Brother-in-law isn't tryin' to live stealth. <=)

Transition Progress: Moods are still WAY the fuck all over the place. Cried like an idiot during Avenue Q, etc. Ups and downs, tho the misses an' I are gettin' into a rhythm. Hopefully I'll gradually get LESS insufferable. No guarantees, but I'm feeling less scared about the future. My sweetie was even givin' me bra advice the other day, which meant the world to me. Not that I NEED it yet or nothin'... but this morning, when I put my shirt on, it seemed like I was castin' a bit more shadow than I'm used to. It's the kind of thing I only notice because they're ATTACHED to me, but even really slightly noticeable boob-growth is super-duper encouraging.

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