March 19th, 2012


Week 18: Rhinoceros on a Treadmill

Spring's good and arrived! I was able to truck out my lightest spring-timey dress today, and it was awesome. I'm feeling more and more happy as I look in the mirror. Despite incontrovertible evidence that my boobs are developing, it's slow enough that I can get used to 'em immediately and go right back to lamenting my flat-chest-edness.

I understand that we all want what we can't have, and that I need to be happy with what I've got. It's jus' annoying to be taking "Magical Make-me-a-unicorn Pills" and not being a magical unicorn.

Well, yet, anyway. <=)

I actually DO think of Transsexuals as magic creatures. Like, it's silly or fetishistic or whatever, but part of me has always loved the combination of male and female elements (specifically girl-bodies with man-parts, since I've quite taken my man-body for granted and girl genetalia has never held any particular allure for me). I know that a lot of the old way of thinking towards gender- nonconforming types really looked askance at a sexual arousal angle. Like, if you were turned on by the idea of havin' a girl-body it was a paraphilia, not a "legitimate" case of transsexualism. And I'm an even worse case than THAT, 'cuz I'm not only TOTALLY turned on by the girl-body concept, but I'm not even' going ALL THE WAY, as it were. Comfy bein' half-girl half-boy AND a pervert? No way! Ah, I don't know. It's entirely possible that no responsible medical professionals SHOULD be enabling me. But I'm deeply goddamn pleased that they did. As much as I like joking about it and being flippant, continuing along my boy-path... I don't want to think about it. It's not okay.

I was very pleased today when I was navel-gazing (I was adjusting a piercing, technically, but I WAS gazing at my navel)... No happy trail! none! I know I haven't shaved anything recently, but there just wasn't any hair. It was awesome. I've been cautiously pessimistic about the whole body-hair thing, but it's super-lovely to be seeing progress on that front.

Also Kinda like Progress: When my sweetie saw me when I got home, she pouted and poked at one of my (slightly artificially augmented) boobs, as if to pop a balloon. It was nice. No upsettedness, no criticisms. She wasn't made HAPPY to see my tits as big as they were... but she's makin' a kinda peace with it. I think. I hope.

  • Current Music
    Belly - Low Red Moon