May 7th, 2012


Week 25: Fetch Quest

So I got to the doctor, and everything seems to be proceeding along decently for the orchi. I need to get a couple of signed letters from mental health professionals (one of my choosing, one of his), but aside from the papers, I should be good to go. Meetin' with the Psych doctor I don't know in a couple of days, and th' Urologist said that my therapist would suffice for Doc 2. Seems like an annoying couple-a hoops, but I can't fault the fella for coverin' his ass. I don't know how many folks have their balls cut off on a whim, but I presume it's a non-zero number? Whatevs. I suppose it's not GUARANTEED, so that's a little unnerving. If the Psych-doc I don't know doesn't give me a clear bill of health, I'm not sure what my options would be. I HOPE things will be cool. I'll keep this updated one way or t'other, of course.

Doc asked if I was keeping the penis, and I told him I was. He then asked if I was having a Vagina constructed, and I paused for a second, and said no... followed by "wait... Some people keep the penis AND have a vagina Constructed?" Mind blown. Doc says "I've never performed it, but I've seen it. It's something I could do". For whatever reason, it was really cool to hear that. I'm the only tranny I know, y'know? I'm used to feelin' like the queerest duck in the room. And here's this doctor tellin' me about an amazing genital configuration I'd never HEARD of before. Fuckin' High FIVE, hermaphroditic dude/lady! You go ahead on with your bad self. Not only do you have a non-traditional genital configuration that's important to you, but doctors were able to make that shit happen! It's kinda amazing. I almost wannna have a vag built just for solidarity (I do not actually want a neo-vagina those things are no joke)!

I don't know if this is a result of the meds or of progress in therapy or what, but it feels like the relationship with my sweetie-pie is just getting more and more awesome. Seeing me in a bra ain't shocking any more. I KNOW she's happy with how much I like snuggling now (s'far as I'm concerned, I've ALWAYS been this affectionate, but perhaps I've always broadcasted "I AM TRYING TO GET LAID" and not "I Love you. C'mere." Anyway, I _hope_ I've gotten better at not bein' a sex-pest, but I also feel as though she, for her part, has made INTENSE efforts to be more cool about stuff. Even when I've gotten outta line with jus' bein' grumpy or something, she's done an amazing job of keeping her cool. I can't imagine what I've done to deserve such a wonderful sweetie, but there we are. I think she's cool using "they" as a pronoun, which is so sweet I'm almost tearing up talking about it. She made some joke about coming back from the 'con to her "Genderqueer pothead" husband, stuff like that (She'd never USED the word "Genderqueer" before, but it seems to resonate with her as "Not as hard to cope with as havin' a Translady as a husband", which is fine by me). So many good things. I reaaaaaally like bein' able to post good news. When this journal started, I didn't expect there'd be so much of this.

I had hoped that my emotions were stablized and that the really bad moodswings were behind me, but maaaan, last night I got socked with a wallop. INTENSE crushing "I don't want to do anything but sitting here doing nothing is making it worse" depression. Baaaad stuff. A good night's sleep an' a coffee slurpie made it go away, but GodDAMN it sucked. Emotions, man. I need to get better at them.

Also, Plus, the tits are awesome and I adore them and every single time I'm alone in front of a mirror I check 'em out and play with them constantly and love love love love love them.... But they need to not be done growing. I haven't felt that good ol' achey soreness in weeks, and ESPECIALLY considering the cost of the Orchi, I really goddamn ain't gonna be able to afford bewbs in a year and a half.

I mean, I DO have a year and a half before I do my boob-job evaluation; I'm SURE there's more growing to come... And I have absolutely Gorgeous 1000% girl friends of mine who have less boobage than I do and I should appreciate what I've got and look to how beautiful they are and not wrap-up "boob size" with "pretty"...

But y'know. I don't deal well with being given an inch. =)

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