October 22nd, 2012


Week 49: Happy with what I've got (happy doesn't mean satisfied)

Been feeling more comfortable on dressing-down days. Dude today overheard me mentioning I "used to be a dude", and he told me he thought ne noticed something, but that he wasn't sure. Really? No makeup, frumpy clothes... I'm IDENTICAL how I was a year ago if you ask me. =)

Started counting calories again. Finally feel comfortable enough with my progress and body-shape-fears to be comfortable tryin' to slim down. Previously, I wanted EVERY POSSIBLE CALORIE to go into feeding the new-growin' woman-parts. I don't MIND gettin' fat if it means boobs an' hips! I mean, it doesn't EXACTLY work that way, and my sweetie-pie insists that I could slim down a LOT before my boobs were appreciably smaller. Still. I don't want anything takin' away from th' meager boob-size I've worked up so far!

I'm In a pretty good way, recently. Don't know if it's because I'm less of an emotional nutball or if it's because I'm managing my shit better, but my emotions just haven't gotten out of hand recently. both me and my sweetie are learning to get around how we feel. It's interesting. Being with me is like meeting someone new for her in a lot of ways. It's weird to dance around an' hash out new-relationship stuff when you've been married to someone for a decade. I feel good about how things are going with both of us.

I wonder sometimes how much I'm actually having bad times and how much it's just me LISTENING to the bad parts of my brain. It's amazing how much despair can spiral out of control when you dwell. Then again, I don't have such a positive "Take that, gloomy!" attitude when I'm down. Ah, well. For now, I'm good. Getting blood drawn in a couple of weeks to check my E levels (UP THE DOSAGE, MOTHERFUCKER! MOMMA WANTS TITTAYS) and hopefully I'll get my license changed up. All in time for my one-year Tranniversary. Lawsy but how the time does fly.

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