October 29th, 2012

Hippo

Week 50: There's Going to be a Pinch, Then a Little Pressure

Got my ears pierced this past weekend! Sure, this is only BARELY tangentially transition related, but there we are. I'm not sure whether I PASS any better with bigass tunnels (got 'em done at 2ga, 'cuz stretching's a hassle), but earrings can be pretty an' I'm lookin' forward to seein' how I can rock it.

Birthday's comin' up. My birthday last year was week 0 for this project, so it's an interesting milestone. Been a busy fuckin' year. I should probably have taken more pictures of myself. I'm just... I'm scared. I see a LOT of really sweet transition timeline photosets an' I sorta envy them with this distant "Sure, they look GREAT, but that could never be ME" kinda feeling. I know I HAVE been parsed as a lady, and more & more often I see MYSELF as a lady when I catch myself in th' mirror. There's just... I dunno. Baggage, I guess. Don't much want to document the PROCESS so much as the results. If I'm able to evince a magical transformation, I'll be MORE than happy to share. Otherwise, a picture of me will jus' be another picture of me.

I sorta hate that sending a picture of myself an' my sweetie-pie to my parents (if we were to do so for like, Xmas or whatever) is this political ACT now. Like, It occurred to me to tell my folks I got my ears pierced when I last chatted with 'em, but it'd probably just piss them off. And that's how they'd TAKE it, too. Like, it's bad enough that I'd DO SOMETHING they don't approve of, but to tell them about it? That's just me being a dick. It doesn't fucking matter what my perspective is. It's frustrating. I tell them this shit because I'm opening up to them. So I can share my life with them and connect as their fucking daughter. They jus' can't get past themselves. It's a shame.

-343
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    Ben Folds Five - Not The Same