November 19th, 2012

Hippo

Week 53: You looking for the ladies' room?

Fucking Fucking LEGIT LEGIT.

Part of me jus' wanted that image to be my update for the week. It'll prolly be the only thing of significant import. <=) Somethin' powerfully official about havin' that F. I'm officially a card carrying member of the girl party. I mean, REALLY, it doesn't mean anything to anyone else... Nobody at work needed it for anything official... won't change how many times I get sirred or ma'amed. Nice threshold for ME, tho. No matter what fucking uncertainty continues looming in my life, no matter how annoying life gets or how things fail to turn out the way I planned... THIS happened. This is real. Th' license arrived on my 1-year tranniversary. Right on the DAY. Quite correct. Now all I need is to get th' goddamn orchy and get my E intake jacked up (jus' changed docs, so the new fella wants to wait 'till he's interviewed me to discuss progress an' options). WHERE THE BEWBS AT?!

Chattin' with Paps the other day... said something about saving money an' he went "Good boy. er... son. *sigh*" Poor fella. Means well.

So one threshold I was holdin' off for the ID for was lady-bathrooms. When I started all this mess, I reckoned it wouldn't be a big deal which bathrooms I used. Never felt like I belonged in lady bathrooms. No urinals! Weird vending machines! And as I mentioned before, I don't much feel like I fit in EITHER gendered bathroom... I'd just rather have dudes tell me I don't belong than have ladies tell me I don't belong. Anyway, time to stop bein' a wussy-britches and go for the path of least discomfort. And predictably, the world DIDN'T end. It's just a bathroom. Nobody seems to give a damn one way or the other, and nobody's said anything (aside from "Sorry! My crap's all over the sink." as a co-worker fiddled with her purse).

It's weird how awesome everything feels. Like, I'm used to hearin' stories of Transfolks an' they're comin' from one-a those "I've always known I was a such-an-such" perspectives. The "trapped in the wrong body" thing. That's part-a why I transitioned so late! Didn't reckon I WAS transgendered. Had to be some other kinda shit goin' on. But now, my buddy's leavin' work with a fist bump goin' "Take care, sister. See ya tomorrow." and it's like findin' money in pockets. I had no IDEA I'd love this shit so much. Revelations and epiphanies.

Still scared about bathrooms. Worried someone's gonna notice me an' things will get heavy. Worried I'll be "found out". That's part of why I hate the concept of "passing" so much. It's essentially "hiding". I wish it were easier to say "Oh, I'm a WOMAN... I'm just that kind of woman." Ah, well. Try to lock down your little gender binary, this kinda shit's bound to be difficult.

-343
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