December 17th, 2012

Hippo

Week 57: Cookies

Sometmes... when I'm in a rush... and there's no one around... I pee standing up. I feel like such a traitor after everything I've done to GET access to the lady bathrooms, but I mean, y'know. If you've got the gear and you're pressed for time, it's damnably handy. My sweetie pie insisted it's the kind of thing ANY lady would do with the appropriate gear, but the (mildest of) guilt remains. =)

So my emotions have shifted back into Turbo-Flipout mode again. If I'm sleepy or need a snack, I crash. Some of my crashes have been INSANE powerful. Suffocating despair, hopelessness... It's weird. I can REMEMBER what it felt like to not be crushed under the weight of my fears and uncertainties, but that feeling doesn't make SENSE. Then I'll eat something or sleep or time will do what time does, and it comes back. Everything. Hopefulness, enthusiasm, laughter... It's nuts. I have to teach myself what my brain's doing and learn to tell my brain what time it is. Stupid brain. When I was mentioning it to my sweetie pie (trying to step outside of my emotional state and analyze why I feel the way I do) she reminded me that puberty's rough. I made the obvious gag about "But I've been at this for a YEAR! Surely Puberty's just about done doing what it's doing! Guh.

Well, if it's gonna emotionally fuck me, at least it can keep workin' on my body-shape. You've made good progress, body! DON'T FUCK IT UP

I'm still pretty goddamn heavy, and should PROBABLY work on the calorie counting and exercise an' whatnot, but between my commute an' my aforementioned insanity when momma ain't got her cookie, I find myself without the time nor inclination for more responsible patterns.

Ups and downs. Comings and goings.

-343
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