January 7th, 2013


Week 60: My Tiny Little Burdens

Having a curiously stable time. I feel practically neurotypical. <=)

Used a lady-bathroom at the same time as my sweetie-pie. I was worried it was gonna be strange or whatever, but it just was what it was. One by one, the firsts drop away and jus' become the landscape.

Looked into attending some queer social event stuff in my area. Not sure what I expect out of it all; just mixin' up the patterns. I've always beein in a strange halfway point between belonging and not fitting in. Curiously, bein' openly transgender doesn't really feel any different. I feel more comfortable wearin' lady-clothes, 'cuz Fuck you I'm a lady, but I've gotten comfortable with genderplay stuff a long time ago. I'm comfortable talkin' about the transition and whatnot, but It feels a little like celebrating my alien status. I'd LOVE to not be the only trans chick in the room. I think that's part of where I'm comin' from with the community stuff. Then again, I might attend some meetup an' realize I don't connect with anyone there, either. Dunno.

I don't connect well with folks in general. When I find friends, I tend to hold 'em close. Silly to assume that JUST because folks are queer or trans thet I'd especially resonate... but y'know. Be nice to whine about trans problems (except, y'know, here to the interwebs).

In general, tho, things are proceeding swimmingly. Jus' talked to the doc standing inbetween me an' my Orchi, so I'm REALLY hoping he's finally satisfied that I'm not jus' being capricious. I don't know what it's like to be a doctor, y'know, and I'm sure it SUCKS to have to legally cover your ass so much. But seriously... I can't fucking imagine a girl in MY position coming back around and saying "how dare you you should have known I wasn't in my right mind during that ENTIRE FUCKING YEAR when I was pleading for you to just do your goddamn job". I mean, I've been on HRT so long I can't imagine my testicles do anything ANYWAY. Once the patient's chemically castrated, the lop-it-offomy is a courtesy. *sigh* Well, Like I said, I've spoken. I'll check up and see what the fucking deal is. Sombitch wants to keep gatekeeping, I''ll jus' break out the elastrator. How bad can the pain be? Seven hours or so and the tissue damage will be irreversible. Better than waiting ANOTHER goddamn year.

Grumblebumble. Hope th' fucking doc doesn't read that.

I shouldn't complain. Lotta folks gotta go through this shit just to get HORMONES. I guess I got spoiled on how amazing it felt for professionals to listen to me and go "Okay, so you're trans. Got it. What do you need?".


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