February 11th, 2013


Week 65: "I wouldn't want my DAUGHTER acting like that, either"

bConversations with my folks are kinda surreal now. I'm SO USED to hiding from them, keeping at arm's length any details or facets of myself. I think I ostensibly reserve myself for THEIR sake, to "protect them" from gettin' upset or pissed off, but more realistically, I think I'm jus' lazy. Path of least resistance with them means not rockin' the boat. Sure, if I never tell 'em about bangin' dudes or shavin' my legs or whatever, some-a these things can be rude surprises when they come out, but I also don't really mind jus' letting things be cool until the bomb drops. The kids are ALWAYS shocked and ALWAYS disappointed in me, but they keep bein' surprised. It's weird.

So the doctor process is STILL slow and ongoing. It AGONIZES me to think about how many times I've gotten my hopes up that THIS TIME it'll finally be all the counselor needed to hear and the doors will open and I'll finally get that Goddamned orchi. *sigh* Time enough. I know. SO many transchicks have to wait years or decades or NEVER get that orchi.

Jus' bugs me that fifty bucks at a Vet gets this shit DONE. Can't I jus' get my damned plastic collar already?

Haven't noticed anything from th' Estro uppage, but y'know. Been a week. Looking forward to seein' SOMETHING.

WEIRDLY enough, I haven't been depressed in a couple of weeks! Like, I'm used to my moods bein' so intensely up and down at such a dizzying clip. It makes it easier for me to see things in perspective, I guess... but the low lows SUCK.

Here's hopin' I can get/stay happy.

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