March 11th, 2013

Hippo

Week 69 - Together-style

So the misses an' I headed out to Wal-Mart this past weekend (I KNOW, I know. But they've got my hormones cheaper than the drugstore WITH insurance, so there we were). We called ahead in order to interact with humans as little as possible, but she was nonetheless apprehensive when we headed in. I guess she's ALWAYS apprehensive when we hit the Wal-Mart? I dunno. I jus' know THIS time stood out to me 'cuz I was already in a somewhat crap mood (Something I'd planned and hoped for didn't work out the way I'd expected. You'd think I"d learn serenity by now), but for whatever reason, Kelli' attitude upset me.

She didn't want me taking her arm. Didn't want to attract attention. She mentioned worrying that she'd get attacked or yelled at. She's concerned about the "people of Wal-Mart" being unkind to sexual minorities, and it's especially frustrating to her because she ain't one. Now, at first blush, this was really upsetting to me because I felt abandoned. _I_ can handle people yelling "dyke" at me. I can handle snickers and stares. I INVITE that shit. So it's easy for me to take umbrage and think "Well, _I_ have to deal with this shit. And I have to deal with it every day. You're my sweetie-pie, let's fuckin' take this shit head on! Together-style." It's just... It's more of ME projecting my thoughts and feelings onto her. It ain't EASY bein' a straight chick who gets to experience her husband becoming a lady. There's a thousand sacrifices, a thousand little things that jus' become DIFFICULT. And in continuing to think about things from my perspective, it's easy to forget where she's coming from. I HAVE to transition. But she gets to decide whether or not to live with it. That's some heavy shit.

I need to spend more time makin' sure I'm lookin' after my sweetie an' making this transition easier for HER. 'Cuz really, it's been pretty easy for ME. My parents have kinda been dicks about it (and I know the transition ain't easy for THEM either, but I don't consider myself responsible for their happiness), I've had a hard time gettin' my beans lopped off... that kinda shit's come up... but for the most part? This transition's been pretty easy-breezy. So yeah. This is a mental note as much as it is anything else. We need to do this shit as a team. Together-style.

-343
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