May 27th, 2013

Hippo

Week 80 - An insignificant mark on an impermanent surface

So the name change happened. Kind of. I got the court date, nooooo sweat. Got the Social Security Administration, no big. Went to the DMV, but found out that SS takes 24 hours to process their shit. This fact bummed me out somethin' awful 'til I got my doctor's visit. That's when things got interesting.

See, to Re-Cap, last lop-off-my-beans doc I chatted with sent me on some long damn therapist goose chase that resulted in a delightful bottomless stew of gatekeeping and crap (a lot of it was uninsured). Realistically, I had no reason to think this new doc would be any different, but I've got a sweet therapist in my corner ready to write a recommendation letter an' I was ridin' hopeful. If nothing else, I got my name changed that day. That's somethin'.

So I go in to the doc, lay the whole business on him about where I'm at and what I'm hopin' for, and within a half hour I'm booked for surgery one week hence. I was a little stunned. How do you react when you hope for something for SO long only to have it dropped free and easy on your lap!? I refuse to accept that any of this is real until it HAPPENS, but it very closely resembles real. Already did the pre-op at the hospital real.

Quick aside: It's kinda weird how, even though these are the people FINALLY gettin' me my surgery after all this time and I'm SUPER happy an' grateful, I STILL get bummed out about hearin' my old name so much from strangers along with boy-words and "M" printed on my fuckin' hospital bracelet. There's gonna come a time (I reassure myself) when I'll wear a hospital bracelet with (F) on it.

Turns out MOST of my name-change shit should wait 'till after I'm done at the hospital, since I'm trying

Called my parents to let them know their little girl has a new name and is about to get surgery in a week. They grumblebumbled for a bit and reassured me that they thought "all of this" was "one huge mistake". It's impressive how the tiniest come-around from those jerks would make SUCH a positive impact on me, but they keep fucking disappointing me. It's hard for me to "Take it easy on them", 'cuz I mean, I totally COULD just let "the gender shit" go when I talk to them. It's just... Goddamnit, I'm getting SURGERY. That's fuckin' news. And it's JOYOUS news. It's like our relationship has become "Let's play passive-agressive-identity war with each other", 'cuz I'm Sure as shit not being reserved about my transition news, and their response was "Well, we'll pray for you. How 'bout that?" UGH. Who knows how long it'll be 'till I talk to them again. Eff that shit.

HOLYFUCKINGSHIT BY THIS TIME NEXT WEEK I WILL HAVE GOTTEN DE-BEANED

I have incredible friends whom I love DEARLY. I've got a loving and supportive wife. Everyone at my company has bent over backwards to rock the new name and has been nothin' but COMPLETELY supportive to me this whole time. Shit is ABSOLUTELY okay. It's easy to dwell on the petty, superficial shit. My parents bein' dicks is just like the M on my hospital bracelet. It won't endure. And even if it does, I'll have long since moved on.

-343
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