June 17th, 2013

Hippo

Week 83 - Chubby Little Slut

Goddamn but I do LOVES me some Banana splits. Now all I need is for this healin' to hurryup an' finish and I'll be right as rain. It ain't INCAPACITATING any more, but I'm aware of it still. Bit tender to the touch. Still can't SHAVE, which is infuriating. I know it ain't gonna be much time in the long run, but pattern disruptions, y'know?

Put on some weight for the transition (wanted to maximize boobage), but even though I'm pretty heavy, I'm SO happy with my body. Seeing myself in the mirror feels pretty great now. Doubly so when I get a good angle on my boobs.

Emotionally, I've been on some ups and downs. I think that I'm more prone to steep emotional crashes after a lotta pot-use. Something to be watchful for. I've had a couple of just Right-outta-nowhere crashes recently that shut me the hell DOWN. Like, curl up into a ball and shake kinda way. Nothin' to do but ride it out and let it pass. This shit's rough enough when my life's relatively reasonably stable. Like, my rational mind KNOWS I really don't have shit to worry about. It's just hard when the darkness comes in to crush. I feel like this shit gives me a GLIMPSE of what clinical depression sufferers go through, even though SAYING that feels like I'm trivializing my dear friends who have to suffer through it. So much bad. Thankfully, the really bad low-points are brief punctuations in an otherwise decent emotional state.

Sexdrive! Feels like it's comin' back a bit. It's interesting. After all th' Spiro, I was wholly prepared to jus' start getting used to my new paradigm. I'm still kinky, still need the validation an' emotional elements of sex, just not as fixated? Anyway, some-a the fixation's coming back a little bit. I find myself thinking of sexual stuff a lot more and being motivated for sex stuff... Even getting spontaneous erections! Which I totally wasn't expecting. Pre-transition, I was pretty damn intensely sex-focused, so part of my transition involved preparing for that to go away... But it's still nice to get a little of it back.

-343
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