July 1st, 2013

Hippo

Week 85 - Why, Hello There

Healing is progressing well. Most of the time I don't even THINK about it, although I still can't cross my legs too well, sleeping on my side isn't the best. Also, when I shave, there's weird numb patches. It's all comin' along fine, I guess. I took a "before" picture the day I came home from th' hospital. Kinda scared to see it. =D

Saw this on th' Twitters, an' it jus' kinda bummed me out: "The best thing about being a transwoman? Fear of a would-be rapist discovering my dick and murdering me in a rage. Well, that, and dresses!" < Partially because that's me, mostly because that's NOT me. I don't have that fear... I've never been attacked by anyone. Never even had people be rude to me explicitly on account of my transness. I guess it's jus' privilege guilt... but I see sweet folx on twitter bein' turned down for jobs and being uncomfortable going outside jogging for fear of violence. I hate that shit, and I feel... I feel badlt for not being able to share the burden. Cuts at my feeling of validity, too, with the "THIS is what it means to be trans. It's hard and it's scary and it's dangerous.Whatever you're experiencing is an inauthentic cheat-y simulacrum" etc. And it's bullshit, and it's not helpful to anyone. If anything, I should USE my privilege to help make life SAFER and EASIER for all transfolx to feel as comfy as I am. I dunno. It's hard to know how to help. What to do with my privilege.

So... Sex. It's kinda back. Orgasms still take a long time to work my way towards and require more focus and concentration than I'd like, but the initial arousal seems much more ready. I've gotten morning wood recently, couple of days in a row. This is weird to me especially because I was prepared for that phenomenon to be gone completely! Erections hurt a little less... I think I'm doin' okay. Thinking about sex frequently, but I'm not sure if it's more frequent than it was before. But it's awesome and it's kinda nice to just have non-agonizing boners again.

Still occasionally having crippling emotional swings, but good days outnumber the bad and I'm hopin' that the chemical levels will only stabilize.

-343
  • Current Music
    Macklemore - Thrift Shop