September 9th, 2013


Week 95 - The Shock of the Old

Things are still surreal and strange. I don't know why I presumed that life would ever go back to normal (or whatever "normal" means) in any short amount of time... but I keep finding myself surprised and I wonder how long that's gonna be the case. Reaching over to get the shampoo while I'm in the tub, I'm surprised by the size and softness of my boobs. I take off clothes I worked out in and I'm surprised and fascinated by how weird everything smells.

I think novelty is a curious drug. New situations and experiences are exciting and a romantic notion, but they're also exhausting and interminable. I LIKE being a girl. I'm sure these are the right answers for me. The QUESTIONING has never really been an issue. Once I knew I was trans, that was that. It's just... When you decide to get a tattoo, you can be 100% clear and confident about it and still just be WEIRDED out for a couple weeks to see that shit on your body. Even if it's nice and welcome, it's NEW. And newness has a fatigue to it after a whie.

Part of this stuff is the emotional rollercoaster continuing apace. I still feel like a tourist in my own brain. I'm not used to being on the verge of tears and when asked "what's wrong?" have literally no answer. This shit just happens sometimes.

I like it here. I WANT to be here. I just... in many ways, I've just been born. Gonna teach me a while to figure out how to run this new loadout.

  • Current Music
    Kimbra - Settle Down