Log in

No account? Create an account
04 November 2013 @ 02:19 pm
Week 103 - when I'm emperor  
Things still kinda suck with the parents. Insisting that they use my name and pronouns is apparently a shitty thing to burden them with. I'm not sweet about correcting them? Apparently they're having a hard time with my transition. I can't say too much more about 'em 'cuz who gives a fuck.

MORE interesting than my parent's willful ignorance is noticing myself fucking up my own gendered language. For cis chicks, it doesn't seem to matter when folks say "hey, guys!" etc. But I have a really tin ear for that sort of thing. I'm constantly aware of any use of "dude" or "man" or "guys" when the speaker is referring to me. I KNOW it's used to refer to a general populace and that gendering isn't intended, but I'm sensitive to that shit. Anyway, that's the framework I'm working in. So it's kinda difficult to explain what it means to me when I misgender MYSELF. Like, This is shit I'm used to, sure, but I GET TO BE A WOMAN now. I don't need to call myself anyone's "son" or "husband" or "man" or whatever. And it bugs the fuck out of me when I catch myself for multiple reasons. One, I that's not what I want for myself. I don't want anyone thinking of me as a dude. You hear me call myself something it's a lot easier to presume that's my preference. I've fukken introduced myself to strangers as my old name! It's weird and I hate it. Mad at my brain for falling back on the patterns I've used my whole life and mad at myself for making such a big deal about such a simple mistake.

PixelFishpixelfish on December 9th, 2013 09:39 am (UTC)
I've been trying to switch to "folks" which I personally perceive as inclusive and largely friendly. (Or "peeps" but that makes me sound like a teenager and isn't always appropriate.) But I OFTEN forget and say, Hey, guys, because I really do think of it as being inclusive of women, simply because it was default plural for so long. You guys, etc. And I'll also say, Maaaaaan, and I'm not even sure what I mean by man, because I don't mean Man, but yeah, it sounds all tin-ear now.