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23 December 2013 @ 12:00 pm
Week 110: 777 days have passed  
So here I am. 36 years old, reflecting on the most intense two-year period of change and growth I've ever experienced. I'm a woman now, sure, but I was a woman the moment I determined I was Trans. I smoke and drink now. I eat fruit heated up in dishes like pies and whatnot. I have a couple more tattoos. I have BDSM play partners. I'm working at a different company than the one I was at Two years ago. I don't have testicles.

It's one thing to reflect philosophically on the nature of change and reassure yourself "Hey, things are always changing!", but there's never been a time in my life when I've more desperately clung to the hopes that something will stay the same. And I'm not referring to my gender, or really ANY of the changes I've undertaken. I want them. They're necessary. I just... When so many things are in the air at once, one gets a terror that they might not come down at all, or that they will come down in some terrible configuration worse than anything you've known before.

It's helped me to think of these past two years as a course correction. A sustained burn into full-on alien territory in order to get my trajectory re-aligned into something I want. And so far, everything feels right. Everything feels like it's going the way it should.

I hope this journal's been a good thing to keep up with. It's the kind of thing that'll be weird to read through. Hopefully some folks have seen it and found it helpful, hopefully I'll be able to point folks to it to answer questions or whatnot. It's something I would've wanted when I started out.

Anyway, thanks to everyone who kept up with any of this!

Time to start the rest of my life.

Current Music: Vicki Sue Robinson - Turn the Beat Around
PixelFishpixelfish on January 4th, 2014 08:12 am (UTC)
Will you be keeping up the journal? Or just going more sporadic and spontaneous? Or letting it gather dust?
PixelFishpixelfish on January 4th, 2014 08:13 am (UTC)
Oh, and congrats on getting to this point! Hope it only gets better.